jigsaw puzzle.

My mind is a puzzle & lately someone new has been trying to put the pieces together as well as try and fit in some of his own. He truly is an inspiration, I just dont know if I'm emotionally stable enough to let someone else in. My mind has reached it's capacity ; & thats 1, her. He makes me think, he makes me want to press rewind on the controller of life and erase things and if i cant, make things better for tmrw. He's trying to get into my head, and most times he is indeed successful. I've grown to love him, not in a romantic kind of way; but in a "you understand how my mind works, no one ever has, bestfriend, dont ever go" kind of way.
I love his presence, his comforting ways, his ability to actually make myself think, the way he can make me speak my mind and stop biting my tongue without force.. but just with an ear. he LISTENS and not just hears me. He makes me appreciate things in life that I've turned my back on before. That is truly remarkable. No matter how much he says he has done things that were horrible, I truly believe he is a beautiful person. Inside & out. His mind is amazingly complex yet beautiful.
I am afraid. why?

because in the end; people always turn out to be the person they promise they wouldn't.
& i dont think i can handle that

6 years and counting.

Its hard to let go of the only thing i've ever known. I am unsure about a lot of things, make mistakes frequently, and trip over my own words 99% of the time but I have never been more sure about this. What am I sure about you ask? Him. Yes, for right now he shall remain anonymous, for those that know me, you know him well.
I have been in and out of numerous relationships, I've broken hearts as well as broken my own. I've fallen "in like" and have been infatuated with some, but no one, i repeat, NO ONE will ever have my heart. It is absolutely impossible, for the simple fact that HE, has and will always have it.
Tears, death, drunken nights, fights, kisses, firsts, highschool, college, Florida, New York, Pennsylvania - it has always been him. 6 years and everyday I find more and more reasons to fall in love with him. Our relationship isnt exactly the model kind, and we fight more than normal but I would never trade him for the world. For he has taught me everything that I know today and believe it or not, has molded me into the arrogant bitch I am now. Because of him, I break hearts.

see, breaking hearts is not my hobby, but its a form of release. ah, I know it sounds horrible, but do not think less of me. Everything happens for a reason right?
So assist me in looking for the reason of my broken heart. When everything I did was perfect for him, when he was my only one. I wish love was like a retro pop song, I want you to want me, and BAM! just like that. But its never really like that is it?

me - at my best.

I think I might be the most complex organism on the planet. To say that my mind is large puzzle with more than half of the pieces missing, would be an understatement. Before you continue to read, I give you two options : back out now and press the little X at the top right hand side of the screen - I promise I won`t hold it against you, or strap yourself in and prepare yourself. I warn you, once you begin reading, you wont stop.
I`m young, yes, but my mind is in the right place. I have a strong foundation and an education that makes anything possible. My talents are limitless and my curiosity may sometimes get the best of me. Despite all of the positive things that make me, well, me; I attribute a lot of my success to failure. Although I love to inspire, I`ve learned if everyone in your group is looking up to you, you need to find another group - inspire through inspiration.
Enough of the philosophical & mind boggling terms, I introduce to you - Meghan. =), one of the baddest little misses in Bronx, New York and I mean that with every ounce of arrogance in me. Welcome to my world